My brother-in-law had a go at me last week. He said I always mentioned my sister in my newsletters, but never him. He was joking, but I am going to have the last laugh, because this newsletter is going to be all about him and he’s going to hate it. To be honest though, he warrants a bit of dedicated content. He’s one of my favourite people in the world and I’ve known him since I was 15. In many ways, the in-law thing does him a disservice: he’s just a brother at this point.
So this newsletter is dedicated to people like Hutch; people who aren’t strictly blood relatives, but might as well be. Have you got one? I suspect you do. These people are often the glue that holds a lot of stuff together, but we kind of forget about them, because they are always just there, busy being in-laws, or great godparents, or truly brilliant friends, or whatever form they take in your world. Maybe occasionally we should throw them a bit of recognition. After all, they often helped to build our nests – and then helped to make sure they didn’t fall apart.
Hutch and my sister got married in their mid-twenties (I like to think I’ve balanced things out there life stage-wise) so I have decades of first-hand evidence that he remains rock solid, through the good, the bad and even the multiple family Christmases. Witnessing that has been endlessly reassuring to me. Because meanwhile, although I’ve had some good relationships, I think it’s fair to say that the dating app era of my mid to late thirties was not kind to me. So much so, that at 39, I temporarily hung up my dating hat (a beret?!) and got pregnant in an altogether less traditional way (at a fertility clinic, using a sperm donor). But each time I am about to give up on men, I think of Hutch and his integrity and kindness and enduring love for my sister and I know I shouldn’t give up hope. So I haven’t.
All being well, I will be a solo mum in a matter of weeks and it’s reassuring to know that I have Hutch close by as a key member of my support network, with six years worth of kid knowledge under his (tool) belt. I’ve seen people cry trying to install car seats, so I feel like this is a real bonus. He’ll be a natural role model for my son, and so long as he doesn’t pass on his ‘blopping’ (our family nickname for his inability to be on time for anything, ever), I can’t think of a better person for the job.
Oh, and I haven’t mentioned his band. That’ll sting, if he reads this. So here we go. Hutch is also in a band. And it is the best barrister-themed band I have ever seen live. His band creates the best music I’ve ever heard that exists in the… legal genre. But Hutch, I’m afraid I am your groupie for entirely unrelated reasons. And it’s those reasons that make you a rock star.
Here’s to our many unsung heroes.
HOME COMFORTS WITH… MOHSIN ZAIDI
I first heard about Mohsin Zaidi when he was interviewed for Elizabeth Day’s outrageously successful podcast, How to Fail. As a result (and partly because anyone who quotes Baz Luhrmann’s Wear Sunscreen in an interview gets my vote), I bought his book, A Dutiful Boy, and I am so glad I did. It tells his story of growing up gay in a devout Muslim family, and despite being very dark in places (you will cry), it is ultimately a heartwarming and hopeful read. Today, Mohsin is one of the country’s most successful criminal barristers, and also sits on the board of Stonewall, the UK’s biggest LGBT rights charity.
Where do you live and how would you describe your home in three words?
I live in East London. Home in three words: love, centred, safety. Is that a weird choice? I have chosen to describe the way home makes me feel rather than the way it looks.
Who is at home with you?
My fiancé, Matthew, without whom home would just be a house.
Current TV obsession?
The Morning Show – a brilliant take on the #metoo movement. One episode in particular was so good at demonstrating the silent power exerted over women that can push them into impossible situations.
Best home comfort meal?
Pakistani food, cooked by my mum.
Book currently on your bedside table?
The Kite Runner by Khalid Hosseini – I’ve been meaning to read it for years.
Background noise in your house?
Usually there’s music in the background – we are a big music family. At the moment I’m loving Spanish artist Rosalia. I also like playing Indian and Pakistani songs from years ago, because it reminds me of my home growing up.
Bath or shower?
Shower, at least until the day when I have the luxury of a big bath tub and more time. I just use Dove body wash – is that really boring? And I grab the closest hanging clean towel. I think I might need to up my game.
Favourite house scent?
Aesop’s ‘Beatrice oil burner blend’ with lemongrass and bergamot, diffused with one of Muji’s lovely mist machines. I can take no credit for this. Matthew is the creative one and makes the place smell and look nice.
My garden is….
A balcony with brand new decking that we put down and treated ourselves during lockdown. Probably the most impressive piece of DIY I have ever done and will ever do.
How well do you know your next-door neighbours?
My neighbour is wonderful; I was actually just over there stealing her milk.
Your favourite home from home?
I used to live in Madrid and it holds a special place in my heart. The city and its people are so warm. The sun always shines and there is a vibe pulsing through the streets that I’ve never quite experienced anywhere else.
A Dutiful Boy (published by Penguin) is available to buy now on Amazon.
FOOD STUFF
Nigella’s new book, Cook, Eat, Repeat, comes out this week and I am VERY excited, although the reality is that it will sit on a shelf in my kitchen like a treasured ornament alongside all my other recipe books, while I continue to refer to BBC Good Food online every time I attempt to cook.
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I made these chocolate brownies last week, largely because the recipe involved an actual hairdryer and I appreciated the novelty factor. It’s not something I can imagine Mary Berry getting on board with (I think she’d be quite cross about it), but they were so delicious that I managed to eat nearly an entire tray of them all by myself. The hairdrying bit adds this magical, professional sheen to them (wish it would do that to my hair) – although it must be said that it also had the effect of sending thousands of chocolate flakes flying all over my kitchen. Definitely use the lowest setting.
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I watched Bake Off for therapeutic, Covid escapism reasons last week. That’s how I discovered babka. And that’s also how I found myself googling, ‘get babka delivered to my door,’ whilst fully reclined on my sofa next to an empty takeaway pizza box. Let’s blame lockdown. Anyway, GOOD NEWS – babka delivery exists, and I am here to help, so if you too need some babka in your life, this is where to get it.
BOOK STUFF
This is so predictable but obviously Dolly’s new book, Ghosts, is amazing. I pre-ordered it and read it all in one go on the day it arrived (yes I do have a job, thank you very much). It has the best description of a hen do I’ve ever read (“Fizz. That word is only ever used in a room of women who all secretly hate each other”) and some really genius observations about the horrors of dating in your 30s. I am already looking forward to the inevitable film version – which must have Laura Marling’s gorgeous song Ghosts lined up for the opening credits.
TV STUFF
Why hasn’t more been said about Love Life on BBC iPlayer? I don’t get it. It should be all anyone is talking about. And no, I don’t mean Life. I haven’t seen that. Love Life stars Anna Kendrick (‘pale, awkward and very, very small’ - her own words, see her Twitter bio) and each episode is dedicated to the story of one of her exes. It is SO good and unexpectedly emotional and I am not going to be able to relax until everyone has seen it.
SHOPPING STUFF
So after my big old rant in the last issue about staying warm through winter, a few of you have asked me for coat advice. Slight admission: my own sleeping bag coat was bought about a decade ago in New York and I have never found anything else that is at once both as lightweight and warm. BUT I have just managed to get white paint all over mine (honestly no idea how) so have been doing some research.
My top contender (aside from a Canada Goose or a Moncler, neither of which I can afford) is this one, filled with recycled down, from Arket (I only recently discovered this brand, H&M’s grown-up sister). Instagram has stalked me with it to such an extent that I feel this woman must be one of my closest friends. At £225, it’s not cheap, but it does look like it ticks all the boxes.
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I’ve realised I look mad if I wear a different colour hat, coat and gloves, so I’m going all black this year, starting with these wrist warmers/fingerless gloves from Love Turtle Doves, which don’t cost the earth (£26), considering they are (recycled) cashmere. Toasty.
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My Airbnb in Whitstable had a bathtub caddy and I’ve decided it’s the perfect quick fix to make a bath feel even more indulgent. This teak and brass one from Anthropologie is on my Christmas list.
SCROLLING STUFF
I’m quite into newsletters now, for obvious reasons, and one that I love is Nicola Slawson’s The Single Supplement, set up after she got sick of the lack of decent content out there for single women. I did a guest post for last week’s issue – it’s all about the fact that I had prepared for solo motherhood, but not being pregnant in a pandemic. Read it here.
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This piece in The Cut about our friendships now being reliant on the weather forecast was written back in July, but it’s more relevant now than ever.
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And if the forecast is looking dire (it is), this list of heated outdoor restaurant terraces from House & Garden is pretty handy. Double Standard at The Standard in Kings Cross looks SO cosy.
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That’s all for now, folks! Have a good week – and if it all gets too much with the incessant rain and the dark nights, make some brownies, order some babka (or failing that, just buy a limited edition winter spice Twix) and settle in for some good old-fashioned comfort eating.
Dx
P.S I am also the author of “Bolder - Life Lessons from people older and wiser than you” - available to buy on Amazon here – and currently in development with Universal.
P.P.S The illustration for Nesting was created by my exceptionally talented friend Julia Murray in New Zealand.
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