Goodbye creative world. I'm becoming a locksmith.
How AI has put a literal spanner in the works. Plus, Shaun James Grant's house, peaches on the bbq, a child-friendly Cornish hotel and much more. Roll up!
During a particularly existential crisis-y day last week, I decided that the end of creativity was nigh. All writing jobs were going to be taken over by the overachieving colleague that is AI and I needed to learn a trade. The crisis was not a temporary blip. I’m still in it, flipping through ‘the trades,’ deciding which one might fit.
I’m thinking no to becoming a plumber because of all the loos. Electrician? Sounds scary, might get electrocuted. Gardener? Back ache, plus spiders. Roofer? Might fall off. It wasn’t looking great until, ironically, I asked ChatGPT. Sleeping with the enemy or what?
Anyway, he (ChatGPT is definitely a he) suggested that I become a locksmith (‘I am not likely to affect jobs requiring physical dexterity!’). It’s the highest paid of all the trades apparently and it only takes a week or two to train up. Well. As someone who frequently loses my keys, I think it would pay dividends, even if I was my only customer.
I can see it now. I might get a little van and a jumpsuit. I could launch a YouTube channel, documenting my new, extraordinary life. I would film myself rocking up like a hero to houses across London, rescuing people in a matter of minutes. And then – off camera – I could charge them a fortune for the pleasure.
ChatGPT also suggested that I become a paramedic or a nurse because apparently he can’t do empathy yet (ha! loser), but I am not up for that. Sorry, ill people. And similarly, I could never be a therapist. I want to talk about me, not them. Plus, if someone didn’t take my (definitely) excellent advice, I’d get all snipey and defensive with them. “Well why are you coming here then Janet, if you’re not going to listen?!”
So, that’s it, then. Goodbye cruel creative world! Hello… keyholes?
I’ll just leave this button here. No pressure. None at all…
HOME COMFORTS WITH… SHAUN JAMES GRANT
This week, I headed to south-east London to interview my friend’s lovely husband, Shaun. He’s a writer and director and is currently working on season two of the Apple TV series, Hijack starring Idris Elba. He and his wife Lisa live on the edge of Orpington and have a beautiful daughter, Alma - who has just turned seven (note the balloons).
How did you find your home?
We desperately needed more space from our one bedroom flat and so I’d just be on Rightmove every morning and evening to see what was coming up. I eventually found this mid-century number out in the suburbs and the rest was history.
Your favourite thing about the house?
The garden. It was the first thing that caught my eye when I came to view the house – an unashamedly large expanse, full of evergreens and endless potential. It’s a space that feels alive, generous and inviting, especially for the kids. I’ve also, somewhat selfishly, earmarked my own little corner for a garden studio.
Where did you grow up? Did anything about your childhood home inspire your current home?
I grew up in Sheffield. My dad was a painter-decorator so whilst I wouldn’t necessarily say I picked up my creative tastes from my childhood home, I definitely picked up decorating techniques that helped me do a lot of the work on the house myself and with him.
How do you feel about household chores?
My mum had me ironing my own clothes from around seven and I’ve always enjoyed cooking and entertaining. I learnt a lot from her in that department too. That being said, Lisa is a clean freak and certainly does the lion share of the household chores. The way I like to think of it is, she’s day-to-day, and I’m big picture. Not sure she would agree with that, though.
What’s your current TV obsession?
Working in drama, I tend not to watch drama religiously – especially when I’m deep in the middle of a project. I tend to gravitate towards anything that teaches me something new or offers a fresh historical perspective. I’ve always had a strong interest in war history, and recently I finished a couple of Ken Burns documentaries: The Civil War and The Vietnam War. Both are brilliant pieces of factual television.
Best home comfort meal?
Growing up, it was always my mum’s oxtail with rice and peas – a proper Jamaican staple. She taught me how to cook it once when I was a teenager, but, truthfully, the process slipped away from me over time. I decided to relearn it, and in doing so, it brought back so many wonderful, wholesome memories. Now it’s something I try to make every couple of months, and I always look forward to it – it feels like a little way of keeping her close. My daughter loves it too which makes me very happy.
Book currently on your bedside table?
I have a couple. The Black Eden, a book about the British North Sea oil boom and another which is Empire of the Summer Moon which looks at the forty-year battle between Comanche natives and white settlers in the American West. Both great so far. I’m very much into my contemporary history, if you haven’t gathered.
Have you ever lived elsewhere in the world - what was the most memorable thing about your home there?
I’ve never lived away indefinitely, but I travel a lot for work and often spend extended periods in different places. The most recent was Berlin, which definitely became a home away from home for a while. What stood out most was the energy — it reminded me of how I felt when I first moved to London in my early 20s. There’s also this deep appreciation for art and history, I would find myself walking for hours from one museum and gallery to the next, soaking in as much as I could.
Your favourite home from home?
I love riding solo on my motorcycle so I would say my home away from home has to be the open road.
Follow Shaun’s work here.
FOOD STUFF
Barbecued peaches
I don’t like fruit as a rule (not ideal, I know) but when my friend threw peaches on the barbecue this weekend, I was intrigued. I’m so glad I tried them, they taste like summer! Especially with a big dollop of crème fraiche. Do they still count as one of my five a day? Genuine question. Anywho, here’s how to make them.
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Big Green Egg Workshop
When I said my friend threw peaches on the barbecue, I meant that she threw them on a Big Green Egg, which in case you don’t know, is a barbecue on steroids. Apparently, once you buy one, you enter some kind of Green Egg cult and start swapping notes with other owners. You can even go to a Green Egg Workshop on a farm in Padstow and learn all the tricks of the trade with a former Rick Stein chef called Ross. How’s that for a birthday present?
HOTEL STUFF
Watergate Bay Hotel
Another Cornwall thing. I’m pretty sure I’m the last to know about this, but just in case you haven’t heard – the Watergate Bay Hotel is apparently the place to go this summer (or winter, actually), especially if you’ve got kids (supervised kids club is included in your stay - praise be!). I am yet to go, but the number of people who’ve recommended it to me make me confident that you’ll like it. The beach huts have direct, private access to the beach! Who needs the Maldives? (Don’t answer that).
That’s enough for now, I’ve got locks to unpick and keys to cut. See you here, same time next week?
Dx
P.S
😀If you need a ten minute break, check out Josh Berry’s top ten funniest internet things - they are all excellent.
🍊 The Heston documentary is out on Thursday on iPlayer - cannot wait.
📺 Read lots of nice reviews of The Four Seasons with Tina Fey. I tried it but got bored. But I’ve been watching I am a Killer obsessively all week instead, so maybe don’t listen to me.
🏡I’ll have the one in Broadstairs. You?