I went to see my parents up in Nottingham last weekend. As I strolled around their suburban neighbourhood, my Mum would point out one glorious detached house after another, all with massive gardens. ‘You could afford that if you didn’t live in London,’ was the general vibe of the conversation. And it’s true, I could afford a lot more if I moved out of London.
I could sweep into the driveway (in a nicer car) instead of sweatily reversing down my street any time a car is coming the other way. I could have a spare room (or two!) instead of temporarily moving into the nursery when friends come to stay. Raffi and Coco could race around the garden together instead of us needing to decamp to the park to get some fresh air. I would probably be able to go on more holidays, buy more clothes and bring home that shiny Nespresso machine I’ve had my eye on.
But here’s the thing: I’m not convinced all of that would make me happier than I am now. The last couple of years have taught me the enormous importance of community and human connection and – in my little street, in my little terraced house - I have that in spades.
I can hear my next-door neighbour’s baby laughing from my kitchen table. When Raff decides on a 5am wake-up, I can look at the lights flicking on along my street and know that I’m not the only one seeing the sun rise. Coco gets a name check and a biscuit almost every time we leave the house. We might not have a garden, but in the local park, I cross paths with friends, other mums, cute dogs. And my lack of driveway means that I have become a pro at parallel parking.
Perhaps one day I’ll move out of London and into that bigger house with all the bells and whistles (and a swimming pool, please), but for now, I know my place. And it knows me right back.
Home comforts with…. Helen Cathcart
My interviewee this month is photographer extraordinaire (and my Bolder co-founder) Helen Cathcart. If you’ve stayed in a fancy hotel, she probably photographed it; if you’ve enjoyed flicking through the likes of Vogue, Conde Nast Traveller or House & Garden, you’ve already admired her work. And if you’ve ever seen a decent photo of me, she probably took it.
Where do you live and how would you describe your home in three words?
I have just moved out of one pebble-dashed semi and into another! This one is in Winchmore Hill – I will own it instead of renting, which makes all the difference!
Who is at home with you?
My fiancé Chris and our three year-old son Freddie.
Current Netflix/Amazon obsession?
I would love to tell you something cool but I have just devoured the latest season of Emily in Paris as it cheered me up on dark and dull winter days.
Best home comfort meal?
Pasta. Of any kind! I love carbs. My go-to meal when on my own is spaghetti with prawns, capers, garlic and chilli - plus lots of parmesan.
Best section of the Sunday papers?
Sunday Times and The Telegraph. I love the magazines and the Home section. I read my friend Rosie Birkett’s recipe column in the Sunday Times Magazine. I also love reading the interviews in the business section asking people how they made their money.
Book currently on your bedside table?
Sadly mostly parenting books! I regularly have to re-read Unruffled by Janet Lansbury as I can’t retain the information!
Background noise in your house?
I always have to have background noise! I think that comes from growing up in a family of seven. I love having the TV on even if I’m not watching it. I always have Radio 1 on while I’m working. Or I do love to listen to a good podcast: Elizabeth Day, Up with the Lark, Esther Perel and Louis Theroux.
Bath or shower?
I love the idea of a bath but very rarely have one at home – it seems so indulgent! I always have one when I’m staying away for work in a hotel though. Otherwise a shower but I am like a cat and hate getting wet, so I’m in and out. I became obsessed with Hermes d’Orange Vert shower gel while shooting Belmond Hotels. Its scent is just so ‘luxury hotel,’ so after my stolen Belmond toiletries ran out, I treated myself to my own and think it’s such a good way to add excitement to your day. Maybe I need to get out more.
Favourite house scent?
Diptyque Baies candle which I came across on one of my interior shoots. All of us just kept taking sniffs of it all day like it was a drug. Also I have recently been shooting for Thyme England’s Bertioli range and putting on their meadow water moisturiser is the highlight of my morning.
My garden is….
Going to be amazing! My new house has a lovely garden and my sister has just competed her horticulture diploma and will be designing it for me (though she doesn’t know it yet!) I’m thinking lots of wild flowers with a country cottage feel.
Your favourite home from home?
Nice in the South of France. It has the most amazing light. I just sold an apartment there which I had renovated from scratch and am heartbroken I don’t own it anymore! Also of course Enniskillen in Northern Ireland, where I am from. It’s the only place I truly relax and stop working.
Check out Helen’s amazing work on her website and get job/life envy by following her on Instagram @helencathcart
TV STUFF
Couples Therapy
Why anyone would ever agree to have their therapy sessions recorded for the eyes of the world is completely beyond me, but oh I am so happy that they did! Watch, learn and referee from your sofa as the enigmatic clinical psychologist Dr Orna Guralnik remains serene and unphased no matter what sort of shitshows are put in front of her. I would watch it purely for Mau (the guy in the photo above) - who says in one session, totally straight-faced – “I am the easiest person to deal with. All I want is … zero responsibility, and all the sex I want, without any work.” Obsessed.
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Starstruck
Starstruck is one of those BBC Three gems that flies under the radar (at least it did for me) so that when you finally discover it, you can’t find anyone to talk to about it. Written by and starring the New Zealand comedian Rose Matafeo, it follows the story of Jessie, a chaotic millennial who has a one-night stand with a movie star. Please watch it, then call me immediately to discuss.
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The Tinder Swindler
You’ve probably watched this by now, but I only just caught up (thanks, Covid). Quick synopsis: a guy somehow convinces a collection of perfectly intelligent women to give him tens of thousands of pounds, before flying off into the sunset, never to be seen again, on a private jet that they all paid for. It’s easy to say ‘who would fall for this crap?’ until you watch it and realise the level of cunning detail he put into each swindle. Online dating after watching this feels even worse than it did before. Who knew that was even possible?!
BOOK STUFF
A Year of Wonder
I love classical music but I know and understand nothing about it. This book has changed that. Violinist Clemency Burton-Hill (she’s also included in my podcast recommendation) suggests one new piece of classical music to listen to every day for a year and then explains it in a way that is totally accessible and relatable and interesting. I assume I’ll be able to answer all the music questions on University Challenge now, too.
PODCAST STUFF
How to Fail: Clemency Burton-Hill
I honestly think this might be the most amazing podcast episode I’ve ever listened to. Two years ago, musician Clemency suffered a brain haemorrhage completely out of the blue and spent 17 days in a coma. She is now in recovery and has the most extraordinary outlook on life. It says in the episode notes, ‘this interview will leave you changed’ and I actually think it did. There will be tears.
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Sweet Bobby
First the Tinder Swindler, now Sweet Bobby, the true tale of a horrifyingly sophisticated catfish that took place over an entire decade. There are a lot of untrustworthy humans going around aren’t there? It’s almost impossible not to binge this – so if you have a bout of Covid, or you just don’t want to leave the house for a day, this is your medicine. I did NOT see the plot twist coming.
SHOPPING STUFF
The perfect hi-tops
I have been in search of the perfect hi-top for the last two months. I’ve ordered multiple pairs online and they are now stacked up in their return boxes, piled high on my sofa, like a new cardboard housemate. When I finally saw my dream trainers on somebody’s feet in Gail’s, I got home, googled them, and realised they were laughably expensive. A bit like Gail’s, actually. Here they are. I can but window shop.
UPDATE: I found the perfect hi-top! It’s taken me so long to put together this newsletter that I’ve finally done it. They are everything I dreamed about and more. Thank you Keith Scarrott! Mine are sold out now, but there are lots more to choose from here.
OTHER STUFF
I’ve started working for a San Francisco-based start-up – it is driven by the same appreciation of human connection and community I was talking about in my intro. Leap achieves everything that my little street and my little house does, but it does it online, via 20-minute hosted video conversations instead. Over the past six months, I’ve built a second neighbourhood here – I can vouch for the residents and right now it costs nothing to move in. If you pop along at 5pm on a Thursday, you’ll even catch me hosting my own chat, Wisdom Unpicked. See you there?
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Thank you to Net-a-Porter for interviewing me about solo motherhood. I am so happy that this topic seems to be getting much more coverage than it was two years back.
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And finally, it was lovely to see some of our glorious Bolder interviewees featured in Glorious Sport this month!
Until next time!
Dx
Who on earth is Dominique Afacan?
A very good question. Dominique (that’s me) is a writer, sausage dog owner, and solo mum, based in London. The idea for the Nesting newsletter came about because after ten years as a travel journalist, I wanted to share my new-found excitement about hanging out at home. I am also the author of Bolder – Life lessons from people older and wiser than you – a great birthday present, if I don’t say so myself – and available to buy here. Leap is my latest venture – it’s a new kind of social network that connects people in real time via hosted video conversations. I am part of the founding team.
P.S The illustration for Nesting was created by my exceptionally talented friend Julia Murray in New Zealand.