I want a tattoo – why can't I commit?
Plus, Vassos Alexander shows us his house, and I show you some truly excellent things to watch, buy and wear.
When my sister died last year, I decided to get a tattoo in her honour. I contacted my good friend Julia who happens to be an excellent illustrator (she created the Nesting logo, too) and asked her to design something for me. I wanted a star, because Leyla loved them and we would sometimes look for shooting stars together when we were on holiday in Mallorca. She would always see one, I never did. It became a running joke and I frequently accused her of lying.
My illustrator friend outdid herself, as I knew she would. She sent back an entire page of beautifully-designed stars – some delicate, some quirky, some minimalist – I had no idea there could be such nuance, but that’s why she does what she does. I was drawn to one immediately, because it looked like a shooting star and I decided I’d get it on my wrist, so that I could see one every day. Redress the balance.
Meanwhile, my brother-in-law and a couple of Leyla’s friends went ahead and got their own stars. Just like that. But for me, a born procrastinator, a tattoo feels like a titanic decision. Is the shooting star actually right, or should I have the smaller, more delicate one? Should I have a star at all? Should I really have it on my wrist? Is that a basic bitch move?
I‘ve gathered recommendations for multiple tattoo parlours, I’ve spent a long time learning about the craft of tattoos (I had never heard the expression ‘hand poke’ before), and I’m following multiple instagram accounts of tattoo artists. And yet my wrists remain bare.
My indecision used to drive my sister mad, so ironically, my tribute is probably becoming a source of irritation to her in heaven. “For the love of God, just do it!” If I concentrate, I can actually hear her. She’s still quite scary.
I think of her every day, every hour – all the time, basically. I had my oldest friend Gillian here for the weekend and we put an actual chair out for her at dinner. We asked for her opinion on stuff, which is as mad as it sounds, but made perfect sense at the time (we were on our second bottle by then). Leyla’s gone, but she shone so brightly that she’s still very much here. She would detest that sentence.
So there’s an argument to say I don’t need a tattoo to remember her by when I’m busy talking to her via empty chairs.
But I think I do want one. I want people to ask me about it and give me the chance to talk about her, and I want to look at my wrist every day and know she’s there, etched into my skin. I just need to take the plunge. Bear with me sis, it’s coming…
HOME COMFORTS WITH… VASSOS ALEXANDER
To some, Vassos is ‘the funny one’ from the Chris Evans Breakfast Show. To others, he’s an endurance athlete who has written three books on running. To me, he’s a neighbour and friend of my friends who has been quietly kind over the past year (and sometimes noisily kind – via a loudspeaker to announce the start of the Barnes Turkey Run in memory of my sister). I caught up with him this week over Zoom while he was enjoying a half-term break in Whitstable with his family.
Where do you live?
I live in Barnes in southwest London, with my wife, three kids and Bella – our very loveable, but very stupid three year-old labrador. We’ve been here for 20 years and we’re about to move to another house in the same area. We decided two decades was long enough to live anywhere – if we stayed any longer we’d stagnate.
What’s your favourite thing about the house and your biggest niggle with it?
We redid the kitchen and extended about 11 years ago, just before our youngest, Mary, was born. Every single time I’ve come downstairs ever since, I’ve thought, ‘I love this space, what lucky sod lives here?’ And it’s me! I hate the expression ‘light and airy’ but it is light and airy. My biggest niggle is the amount of hair that falls from the heads of all three female members of our household into our plugholes. I spend 50% of our disposable family income on sink unblocker.
Where did you grow up?
In New Malden. And we’d spend every summer holiday in Greece. Absolutely nothing about either of those places has inspired where I am now. I didn’t really love the home in New Malden and my grandparents’ flat in Athens and their house by the sea is very different to where we are now. To be honest, the house was inspired by my wife Caroline’s genius and I’m absolutely thrilled.
How do you feel about household chores?
Very much a leave-it-to-the-morning person, married to a tidy person. We have a ridiculously predictable division of household chores - I’ll do bins, she’ll do laundry, which probably means that, unforgivably, I do less than my fair share. Because people have been coming over for viewings over the last two months, we’ve had the most spotlessly clean house which has done my head in – I quite like a bit of family mess.
TV obsession?
We loved A Man on the Inside with Ted Danson. It’s a sort of Modern Family slash Ted Lasso slash Schitts Creek gently funny comedy about a lonely widower who takes a job to investigate thefts in an old people’s home in San Francisco. It deals very poignantly with death and dementia but it’s really uplifting. We’re also watching Interior Design Masters, I suspect because we’re about to move house and Caroline is looking for ideas.
Book on bedside table?
I’ve just read Salmon Fishing in the Yemen but I’m currently re-reading David Baddiel’s book My Family because I’m interviewing him about his mum for a podcast I host.
Do you have a garden?
Yes and I love it, I’ll miss it. I may have reached peak Barnes because we have an ice bath in the garden permanently set at 2 degrees.
Where is your favourite home from home?
Whitstable, where I am right now. We have a little cottage here. It’s an hour and a half in the car and when I get here I am Holiday Vassos. And more to the point Caroline is Holiday Caroline. I love it here. It’s coming up to high tide in a couple of hours so I’m going to have a swim in the North Sea.
Vassos’ new book, Swimmingly, about his adventures in outdoor swimming, is out on Thursday.
TV STUFF
Sirens
Oh, it’s a good one this. A juicy (and pleasingly pastel-toned) drama about two sisters who get mixed up with a culty rich lady expertly played by Julianne Moore. Bit of family, bit of childhood trauma, bit of wealth and class. I am hooked.
HOME STUFF
Outdoor solar light
Pop this on your outdoor table and enjoy! It’s even dimmable if you want to create a bit of an ambience after dark. Cheap at the price, I reckon. Good job, H&M.
CLOTHES STUFF
Whistles dress
I’ve not bought anything in Whistles recently. I think the new brilliance of M&S has weaned me off it. But then I saw this dress and I can’t resist a palm print. It’s the sort of shape you can wear no matter how bloated you feel (very, always) and it'll look bloody lovely on holiday, don’t you think?
On that note, I must dash. Sirens awaits. See you next week!
Dx
Who is Dominique Afacan?
A very good question. Dominique (that’s me) is a writer and solo mum of two, based in London. The idea for the Nesting newsletter came about because after ten years of flitting around the world as a travel journalist, I wanted to share my new-found excitement about hanging out at home. I am also the author of Bolder – Life lessons from people older and wiser than you – a great birthday present, if I don’t say so myself – and available to buy here.
For the love of god, just do it ;) xx