I'm 44 and I still can't do my makeup
The shame of having no smokey eye, PLUS The Liver King, my neighbour's house, pizza ovens and five excellent beauty products from someone who actually knows a thing or two.
It takes me less than five minutes to do my makeup; doesn’t matter whether I’m going to a work meeting or a wedding. I don’t say this to boast – on the contrary I’m rather ashamed. I feel I should have a more nuanced approach by now. Perhaps an intricate smokey eye for a night out or a contouring regime that requires a number of different brushes. But no – since I was 18, it’s pretty much been the same – foundation, concealer under the eyes, blusher and mascara. On a good day I might apply lip gloss, if I can find it.
On weekends away with the girls, I’m always the one hovering impatiently with a glass of wine in the Airbnb while everyone else is still doing… well, whatever it is they do. I wish I knew.
I went to Sephora this weekend to buy a new foundation and the lady in the Armani section asked me if I would like it to be warm-toned or cool-toned. I had no idea. Do you?! Just give me whichever one makes me look better, surely?
I wish I could go to a makeup counter and have somebody confidently tell me what I need. I’ve tried of course – booked myself into Charlotte Tilbury with my sister a few years ago. Afterwards, we barely recognised each other. We decided that we looked rich, but in the worst possible way. We went to the champagne bar in Selfridges afterwards because that’s where we felt our new faces belonged.
All of this has led me to believe that I just don’t have a face for makeup, but then on Friday, I had to have my photo taken for The Times and they very kindly sent a makeup artist along with the photographer. I feared the worst, of course, especially as my only attempt at direction was ‘not like a bridesmaid’ – but thanks to the genius that is Emily Dhanjal (look her up on Instagram) I actually came out of the chair looking like me, only better. That is all I’ve ever wanted!
HOME COMFORTS WITH… JED BENEDICT
When you live three doors down from someone with kids exactly the same age as yours, it’s a relief to actually like them. Jed works for Studio Canal commissioning terrifying-sounding films and he and his wife Laura are two of my favourite people in Barnes. I popped over to theirs for this week’s Home Comforts interview.
Where do you live?
I live in Barnes in south-west London with my wife Laura, our three year-old daughter Florence and our nine month-old son Rory. We’ve been living here for eight years now.
How did you find your home?
We went on a house viewing and I recognised the guy in the wedding photos as being two years above me in school, so I messaged him on Facebook to say – ‘I just saw your house, can I have it?’
Your favourite thing about the house and your biggest niggle about it.
I love our iron bath, though it nearly killed the five builders who my wife bribed to get it up the stairs. My biggest niggle is the living room. It’s about the size of a tube carriage and it doesn’t help that I bought a heavily discounted Loaf sofa off the back of a truck without checking the depth.
Where did you grow up? Did anything about your childhood home inspire your current home?
I grew up in Putney, by the river. It made me want to have some sort of outdoor space if possible, even a tiny garden, and to always be within walking distance of a park and a coffee.
How do you feel about household chores?
Out of sight, out of mind. If there are five tonnes of kids’ toys in a cupboard under the stairs that’ll fall out on whoever opens it, it bothers me less than shoes in the middle of the living room.
What’s your current TV obsession?
We get about 20 minutes in front of the TV a night between baby wake ups (don’t ask) and if it’s Laura’s call, it tends to be Ben Fogle’s New Lives in the Wild, just to make us feel we should just pack it all in and move to Madagascar.
Best home comfort meal?
Laura’s Spaghetti Bolognese.
Book currently on your bedside table?
The Outlaw Ocean by Ian Urbina. I read so much fiction in my day job, I like reading non-fiction at night. Usually either maritime based (for a taste of the sea) or comedian biopics randomly.
Have you ever lived elsewhere in the world - what was the most memorable thing about your home there?
Australia and LA. In both places, I loved having the ocean to go and sit by and clear my head to the sound of the waves.
Your favourite home from home?
Hermosa Beach, California. To quote Patrick Swayze’s Bodhi in Point Break, ‘it’s that place where you lose yourself and find yourself.’
MAKEUP STUFF
Hoorah! The lovely Emily Dhanjal (who did my makeup as mentioned above) agreed to share her top five products with me. I couldn’t trust anyone more than an actual real life makeup artist (to the stars, no less!).
“I have to start with a good tinted moisturiser to give a glowy tint to the skin without appearing too heavy. My current favourite is the Trinny BFF destress balm. It’s lovely and really creates a dewy finish yet still has a little coverage.”
“A cream blush is my next go-to, to give your complexion a little colour, I love the tata harper cream blush – it has great staying power and a very subtle shimmer which gives you a beautiful glow.”
“Merit brow 1980 volumising pomade – a product I’m obsessed with! It’s grooms the brows and adds colour so it’s a super quick way to make your brows look groomed without too much effort.”
“A great way to add definition to the eyes in a natural, beautiful way is to use a bronze toned eye pencil, it suits all eye colours. I like to use it on the top and bottom lash line before mascara. I recommend the Dior 24hr stylo in pearly bronze.”
“Rhode peptide lip shape is a recent addition to my kit which I’m loving. It’s a lip pencil with a twist, it has a creamy formula and a slightly thicker tip which gives you the perfect shape to add definition to the lip line in a subtle way, making them look a little fuller. The shades are perfect neutral tones, my favourites are lunge and twist.”
TV STUFF
The Liver King
I remember hearing this guy being interviewed on Diary of a CEO years ago and thinking how utterly bizarre he was. Well, this documentary shows how just a few months later he was exposed as a fraud - turns out it wasn’t his ‘ancestral diet’ of raw liver and testicles that was getting him pumped beyond recognition - it was… err steroids. Cue a crashing down of his $100m fortune and the inevitable Netflix documentary.
FOOD STUFF
Ooni Pizza oven
If you don’t yet have a pizza oven, I am here to tell you to get one (we’ve got the Ooni). It means you can make dinner in 90 seconds and also have friends over for boozy weekend lunches without having to think. If you’ve got kids, you can also get them to make their own without a massive faff. Buy the ready-made dough and always have a few packets sitting in the freezer, ready for pizza emergencies.
That’s it folks. Eat, drink and be merry. Meet you back here – same time, same place next week!
Dx
P.S
💰 Love a green shirt - especially when it’s this cheap.
🧵 I don’t know much about men’s clothes but my brother-in-law told me about a brand called Sirplus. All their clothes are made from surplus fabrics (hence the name) and they do a very nice Nehru jacket, should that be your thing.
👄 Did you know Celeste Barber has launched a beauty brand? It’s called Booie and this might be the best beauty ad campaign I’ve ever seen.
🛏️ I want these Oliver Bonas sheets for my bed.
Love Celeste! Especially her new campaign!
The make-over you liked. Love all your stories. Can totally relate on so many levels. It's Kitty - we went to St Kitts together so many years ago with Claire P also :)