I saw a quote from Diane Keaton yesterday that I very much identified with. “I don’t think it would have been a good idea for me to have married,” she said, “and I’m really glad I didn’t, and I’m sure they’re happy about it, too,” referring to her exes.
Same Diane, same.
I am not a natural marriage person. At least I don’t think I am. Like Keaton, I’ve had a few long-term loves, but the second marriage was on the cards, I ran a mile. I still remember a boyfriend taking me to Paris and it suddenly occurred to me mid-croissant that he might propose.
“You aren’t hiding a ring in your pocket, are you?” I said, terrified (and in hindsight, rather cruelly). He reassured me he wasn’t – but I still panicked for the rest of the trip.
I’m not entirely sure what has made me this way, but as I’ve said many times in this newsletter, domesticity brings me out in hives. And as far as I can see marriage is just a long-term relationship but with extra helpings of ironing, cooking and cleaning. Oh, and a 42% chance of failure?
I know, I know, it’s more than that – I’m being facetious – and there are plenty of people who are happy in that set-up, but honestly, I think I’m good without it. Like Diane, I have had two kids without the societally-approved marriage to go along with them. It might not have been how I thought my life would pan out, but in hindsight I’m pretty sure this was the best path for me.
And I’m not against love or commitment. If I miraculously stumble across the right person (and it would have to be a miracle), I might say yes to long-term romance, but I doubt I’d want to put a ring on it. And I certainly wouldn’t want a wedding. The average price of one in the UK is £18,000! I can think of so many things I would like to do with that money rather than live out my introvert’s nightmare in front of everyone I know.
I also would not want to be ‘given away’ by my Dad. What an absurd concept. I want to keep him (along with my name), thank you very much.
I might be proved wrong yet, though. I saw a psychic last week who said I was going to meet the man who will become my husband in the next four months. “He’ll be wearing… trousers and a jacket,” she said, rather unhelpfully. “You’ll meet him somewhere near the Thames” (random) and “he won’t put you on a pedestal because he knows you wouldn’t like that.”
Umm, can I just forewarn this guy and his trousers that this is fake news? I would like to be on the highest pedestal you can find, please. And if we must get married, can you at least have the decency to be incredibly rich?
HOME COMFORTS WITH… CAMILLA FRANCES
I met Camilla on a press trip a few weeks back and we quickly bonded over a few glasses of Dom Perignon on a private jet, as you do. Camilla is Digital Editorial Director and UK Editor of the beautiful Italian interiors mag Cabana. Gwyneth Paltrow is the Guest Editor of the upcoming edition, so it’s kind of a big deal.
Where do you live and how long have you lived there for?
I live in Highgate, north London, in walking distance of both Hampstead Heath and Waterlow Park (one of London’s loveliest parks though not many people know it). Highgate’s a beautiful little village full of Georgian houses and some great pubs, but it’s really quick to get into central London so it feels like we have the best of both worlds. We’ve been here seven years now, and they’ve flown by. It’s going to be really hard to leave, but feels inevitable as we need more space, a proper garden. The usual stuff.
How did you find your home?
We just spotted the house in an estate agent’s window, in our budget unlike most of the other houses in the area. So, we went to visit and it became clear why - it had been owned by the same couple for more than 60 years and they hadn’t touched it much (at all) in that time. We had to completely gut it and start from scratch.
Who is at home with you?
I live with my husband, a documentary film director, and our two football-mad little boys, plus a hamster… called Hercules. We bought him for the boys after much nagging - and to see if it would buy us some time before acquiescing to their constant requests for a dog - but inevitably it’s now my husband and I who are chief hamster parents.
Your favourite thing about the house and your biggest niggle about it!
I really love the location, the fact that it’s a period property, and all the rooms that we’ve managed to keep full of art and objects, and free of kids’ toys and plastic. But don’t get me started on the oversized kitchen island. We signed off on the measurements the day after having our second son and were clearly not thinking straight. It’s not a disaster - it’s still very functional, in constant use - but the fact that it’s about a third wider than it should be definitely niggles me. Lesson learnt. Always check measurements, even if - especially if you’re sleep deprived!
Where did you grow up? Did anything about your childhood home inspire your current home?
I grew up in London, in Queen’s Park, a little further west than where I live now. It’s also got a lovely park and village feel. We moved a couple of times, always in the same area, and always to Victorian or Georgian houses with high ceilings and lots of period detailing. My mother loves historic buildings (she worked at English Heritage / Historic England for many years) so I grew up going to crumbling abbeys and historically significant ‘old buildings’ at the weekends. I probably moaned about it at the time, but I’m sure it all contributed to what feels like ‘home’ to me now. She always filled our house with interesting fabrics, antiques and colours too, so I’m sure that had an impact as well.
How do you feel about household chores?
I am no domestic goddess. On the rare occasions that I master this and get all the school clothes, bags, snacks, breakfast things etc, ready the night before, I feel so virtuous and proud of myself that I usually don’t bother again for weeks. That said, there are domestic chores I like more than others. There’s something satisfying about loading and unloading the dishwasher, but I can’t say the same about unloading the washing machine and putting clothes away. Our house is full of piles of clean laundry that both my husband and I pretend we haven’t seen, in the hope that the other one will give in and fold it all away neatly.
What’s your current TV obsession?
So many! But in the interests of choosing one, I’ve really enjoyed all four seasons of Hacks with Jean Smart, Hannah Einbinder and Megan Salter. The writing is sharp and very funny, and the performances are just brilliant all round.
Best home comfort meal?
A roasted tomato, tuna and black olive pasta (I think it was a Nigel Slater recipe originally, but it’s super easy so I can do it in my sleep now), which I return to again and again.
Book currently on your bedside table?
I have a pile of books on my bedside table at the moment, and can’t decide which one to commit to. Anything is Possible by Elizabeth Strout, whose writing I love, The Bell Jar, which I read years ago but feel like re-reading, Small Things Like These and Foster by Claire Keegan, and a friend’s recent recommendation: Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason. And also my friend James Fox’s new book, Craftland. He’s spent the last few years researching Britain’s lost and vanishing crafts and writes about them with wisdom, humour and great care.
Background noise in your house?
Thudding footballs in the garden, podcasts, the radio, singing neighbours… When a group of graduates moved in next door and started having house parties almost every weekend, I thought it would become a nightmare but, actually, their parties always end in very exuberant and joyful drunken singing (usually 90s rock anthems or Kate Bush). They sound like they’re having so much fun that it just makes me smile, even at 3am.
Have you ever lived elsewhere in the world (or country) - what was the most memorable thing about your home there?
I always thought I’d live in New York for a few years, but that never happened (maybe one day), so, no, I’ve never lived anywhere but London for a significant time. I did live in India, in Bangalore, for six months while teaching abroad, but I didn’t own or decorate the house so probably can’t claim that… But I remember the morning calls from the chai and fruit sellers, and the incredible food our hosts made for us.
Your favourite home from home?
For the last few years we’ve stayed in the same farmhouse in rural Provence for at least a week every August. It’s full of interesting antiques and furniture, is slightly ramshackle (in the best way) and set among vineyards and hills. It’s owned by the most charismatic and energetic 91-year-old you could hope to meet (he’s a great advertisement for the benefits of a Mediterranean lifestyle) and now feels like a home from home. I also recently stayed in the most beautiful house in Emporda, Spain (part of Viu Emporda’s portfolio of architect-designed homes) and would really love to make that a home from home too.
Follow Camilla on Instagram here.
TV STUFF
Victoria Beckham, Netflix
I like Victoria, I think. And even though she’s clearly signed off on every single scene in this documentary, I reckon you still come away with a decent take on who she is. She may have been bailed out on her fashion business by Becks, but it’s clear when you watch her at work, that this is where her heart and talents lie. Worth a watch.
SHOE STUFF
Oh mon dieu - how beautiful are these? A collab between Sezane and New Balance, putting a French spin on an American classic. Love.
FOOD STUFF
Do you know John Gregory-Smith? You should. He’s a chef, presenter and food writer and he does a brilliant Substack packed with easy recipes – some of them are behind a paywall but for the most part he’s really generous. Who wouldn’t want to make this Pad Thai? Heaven!
Right, off to stock up on fish sauce and tofu. See you next week!
P.S
🦋 I haven’t had any sort of face ‘treatments’ yet and it’s starting to show. A friend just told me about a new non-invasive thing called Softwave. I did my own research - and this seems pretty representative of what everyone is saying. If you do it, let me know!
👕 Because I’m allergic to irons. This is apparently the way forward.