Snap, crackle, pop, punch
Welcome to the ear-bleeding world of sound rage.
It’s 9am on a Monday morning and I am about to commit murder. The victim? An innocent man in my co-working space who has the audacity to be eating cereal within three metres of me. Loudly. With wild, tongue-clacking, slurping abandon. It makes me utterly, irrationally furious.
I’ve been ultra sensitive to sound since I was young and it has plagued my entire life; the gulp of a drink, the crunch of a piece of toast, the audible chewing of anything makes me apoplectic. It’s an odd one, because aside from this, I would never describe myself as an angry person. But sit me next to a repetitive sniffer on a train or opposite a heavy nose-breather and I will have to walk away before I commit a crime.
It was a problem from a really young age. I’d come down to family dinners wearing headphones or I’d insist on having the radio on in the background, as loud as I could get away with. As I got older, I’d request office desk moves to get away from the ‘guy who breathes’ or I’d end relationships on account of the horror of shared mealtimes. It was actually embarrassing. I recognised it was me with the problem, not them, but the logic didn’t stop the physical reaction.
Over the years, it’s persisted but I’ve developed ways to manage it. And finally, it turns out it’s a recognised condition – misophonia. This helps make me feel less batshit crazy. In recent years, multiple studies have found misophonia is a genuine, physical thing stemming from a supersensitised brain connection. For sufferers, certain sounds rapidly trigger a response by the autonomic nervous system, the part of the body responsible for the involuntary fight or flight response. Cue: murderous intent and Monday morning musical chairs.
Apparently, it affects one in five of us to varying degrees. That means a fair few of you reading this will identify. I send you my (silent) support and would love to hear from you in the comments.
HOME COMFORTS… WITH STEPHANIE CROSLAND-GOSS
Tate alumna Stephanie is the co-founder of Interrupted Art, a subscription start-up which provides artworks for you to borrow, swap and potentially buy for your home every ten weeks. Stephanie and I met back in Covid times when we were in NCT classes together and the idea for Interrupted Art was still in its infancy. It’s been a joy to see it grow up, alongside our kids, with Harper’s Bazaar, The Sunday Times Style and loads more singing its praises. Over to you, Stephanie!
Where do you live and how would you describe your home in three words?
I live in south-west London with my husband Ben and my two year-old daughter, Theia. Our house is a chaotic, eclectic and art-stuffed Victorian terrace on a small pedestrianised path, overlooking an open green space with the most beautiful mature trees. Purposefully peaceful after living for many years on a very busy road in Parsons Green.
Current Netflix/Prime obsession?
I just finished Bodies on Netflix which was incredible. I couldn’t wait to settle down on the sofa with a glass of red to watch it every night. It straddles so many genres: drama, thriller, period and sci-fi, and now that it’s over I’m at a loss!
Best home comfort meal?
It would have to be spaghetti cooked in chicken stock – sprinkled with halloumi and dried mint. Super simple but wonderfully soothing. It’s a taste of my childhood with a Greek Cypriot mother – even now, I bring back many kilos of halloumi in my suitcase when we visit Cyprus to make sure only the good stuff makes it on top of that dish.
Best section of the Sunday papers?
With a two year-old, lazy Sunday mornings reading the newspaper are a distant memory but if I ever get the chance, it has to be the Sunday Times Style. I love looking at all the things I’d do and buy if I only had the time.
Book currently on your bedside table?
Very (very) late to the party on this one – it’s Zadie Smith’s White Teeth which I borrowed from my mother-in-law’s library for a holiday and is still not quite finished. It’s gorgeous and the characters are hilariously flawed. It’s addictive reading so I’ve momentarily put down Self Portrait by Celia Paul which I’d also highly recommend. It’s a beautiful account of a troubled artistic relationship between the author and Lucian Freud which gives you a glimpse into their distinct and fascinating personalities.
Background noise in your house?
A cacophony of Peppa Pig on the TV, Cocomelon on my smart speaker and constant requests for snacks. When not indulging in that relaxing atmosphere, I always fall back to my go-to band, London Grammar, who are endlessly relaxing and beautiful. I’m desperate to see them live but keep missing them.
Bath or shower?
I last had a bath in 2022 and it was sensational but a five-minute shower is more the vibe these days. When we bought our house three years ago, we completely gutted it and designed the bathroom to feel as close to a spa as we could. Potentially pointless in hindsight but I’ll make some time in 2024 for bath number two.
Favourite house scent?
By day, Diptyque’s Figuier candles are my all-time favourite scent. They smell like walking underneath giant fig trees on a searingly hot day in the Mediterranean. By night, it has to be a roasting chicken in the oven – nothing quite says home like the promise of a roast.
My garden is....
A work in progress. When we renovated the house, we stupidly left the garden ‘until later’, which of course was a mistake. My valiant husband is gradually creating furniture and erecting fencing so it may perhaps be another thing to look forward to in 2024…
How well do you know your next door neighbours?
I LOVE my neighbours. We have drinks, bake each other cakes and have dinner parties together. We collect each other’s packages and set up street parties. I’m being completely serious. We’ve lucked out big time.
Your favourite home from home?
I greedily have two home from homes. The first is Cyprus where my mother and her many sisters are from (we’re an enormous family). I’ve stayed at the same hotel by the beach for 35 years and spent whole summers there playing in the sand and practicing competitive tanning with my brother. The staff are like family as we’ve all grown older together. Thankfully they’ve renovated the hotel a couple of times, but when I step into the palm-tree lined entrance, I really do feel like I’m home. The second is The Scarlet hotel in Cornwall. Ben and I have been quite a few times and if you’ve not been, it’s the most magnificent place to switch off: natural swimming pools and the most indulgent spa, not to mention locally-sourced, delicious Cornish food and they do a cracking margarita (or three).
Find out more about Interrupted Art here.
TV STUFF
Squid Game: The Challenge
I foolishly started watching this one evening last week and then binge-watched all five episodes, finishing up at about 1am (that’s a whole four hours after my bedtime, folks). It’s horribly addictive - and actually, just horrible. It’s just like the original cult Squid Game series - but real, with 456 contestants, all competing for the cash prize from an elaborate studio in Bedford. Obviously, there’s no actual murder, but the overwhelming sense after watching is that humans are awful. Sweet dreams!
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Louis Theroux Interviews…
My obsession with Louis Theroux persists. I am thrilled whenever he releases a new series. This one features interviews with Dame Joan Collins, Anthony Joshua, Chelsea Manning, plus a bunch of people I’ve never heard of (I assume they are Gen Z heroes). My favourite episode so far is with Libertines singer (and Kate Moss’ ex) Pete Doherty, who now lives in a quiet Normandy village with his wife and young daughter, a million miles away from his former life as a naughty Noughties icon.
FOOD STUFF
Too Good To Go app
I’ve had to put an end to my frequent Gail’s trips after looking at my bank statement and realising that my morning chai latte and pastry were making it very difficult to pay the mortgage. Happily, though, with the Too Good to Go app, I’ve found that I can restart my habit, albeit with a tiny bit more effort. Too Good to Go will notify you when local cafes and restaurants have food they didn’t sell during the day - and will sell to you at a massively discounted price. Hello ‘surprise bag’ from Gail’s for £3!
CLOTHES STUFF
Sezane scarf
Look, I know I had a moan about expensive scarves in the last issue, and this is definitely one of those. But you can’t see something like this and not share it. It’s so perfect, as are most things from Sezane. I won't be buying it (unless at least 20 of you happen to upgrade to paid subscribers this very moment) but you might be feeling flush – so here’s your tip-off. A gift from me to you.
OTHER STUFF
Meetcutesnyc
My sister just told me about the most heartwarming Instagram account ever – and now I’m sharing the love with you. Meetcutesnyc interviews random couples on the streets of New York about how they met. That’s it – but the results are sooo cute. Honestly, it’s the quickest dopamine hit ever. Recently, they came to London and happened to interview a couple who met on Blind Date decades ago! How cool is that?!
Ok - on that note, I have more scrolling to do, so I must dash. See you next time and have a wonderful week!
Dx
Who is Dominique Afacan?
A very good question. Dominique (that’s me) is a writer, solo mum and sausage dog slave based in London. The idea for the Nesting newsletter came about because after ten years of flitting around the world as a travel journalist, I wanted to share my new-found excitement about hanging out at home. I am also the author of Bolder – Life lessons from people older and wiser than you – a great Christmas present, if I don’t say so myself – and available to buy here.
P.S The illustration for Nesting was created by my exceptionally talented friend Julia Murray in New Zealand.
I get the over stimulation type of sensitivity to noise in the evenings after a long day with kids. It doesn’t bother me as much at other times it must be so hard it being constant for you. I can relate to wanted to murder a loud eater that’s for sure 😂
I have the same thing Dominique — getting a formal diagnosis for hyperacusis a few years ago really helped! Metallic noises in particular send me crazy -- people tapping their rings on escalators, cutlery being sorted in restaurants… I do still try and tell myself to chant Buddhist mantras and practice tolerance better though.