It surprises some people when I tell them I’m an introvert. After all, I love socialising and seeing friends – and I’m quite happy to chat about my personal life here. But I do really, really require solitude to recharge – especially if I’ve been in the company of others more than usual.
That’s why, at this time of year, when people start talking excitedly about ‘party season,’ I find I can’t join in. The thing is, one-on-one dinners and casual catch ups with good friends are lovely, but parties? With their enforced jollity and sparkly, uncomfortable outfits and God forbid - new people?! No, thank you.
For starters, I’m dreadful at small talk. I witness normal people, having normal conversations, like it’s nothing. One topic simply leads to another. People might start with some gentle enquiries about Christmas plans. By contrast, I want to get straight to the good stuff - marital woes, career drama, moral dilemmas. But I’ve found it doesn’t go down well to start prodding away at all that from the off.
My brother in-law and I – a fellow small talk failure – have exchanged war stories of weddings where our efforts at conversation have been so bad that the guests sitting to either side have turned away from us for the entire meal, leaving us to stare awkwardly into the middle distance for hours.
Then there’s the sheer sensory overload of parties: the music, the competing conversations, the constant reshuffling of people around the room. I once laughed at a reiki healer who said she had to take black cabs everywhere instead of using public transport as the strength of her intuition made it painful to be in large crowds. Ha! But now I kind of get it; I can’t focus because I give my half attention to everything and everyone, as though I’m tuned into ten different radio stations at once.
Of course, the obvious answer to all of this is to drink through it – and this used to work a treat – but those days are long gone. I am now utterly ruined by just one night of heavy boozing and have to schedule in recuperation time as though I’m recovering from a major operation.
So have fun, party people. I’ll be sitting here, nesting (at least I’m on brand). I’ll see you in January - just you, me and a glass of something lovely. Heaven.
HOME COMFORTS WITH…. SARI BOTTON
I first came across New York writer Sari Botton back in my Bolder days. She’s the founder of the best-selling Substack newsletter The Oldster, all about the good, the bad and the ugly of every life milestone. Oh, and she’s a best-selling author too - she wrote the brilliant memoir And You May Find Yourself.
Where do you live and how would you describe your home in three words?
I live in Kingston, New York, in an American Foursquare home built around 1900. My husband and I often refer to it as our own "creative arts camp" because we each do creative things (writing, drawing, music-making) and have lots of designated spaces for our pursuits.
Who is at home with you?
It's just me and my husband, Brian.
Current Netflix/Prime obsession?
Brian and I are big on rewatching shows we've loved, because on second viewing, after you already know the story, you can pick up on great writing and acting choices, and catch lots of references you missed the first time around. We recently finished a rewatching of Jane the Virgin on Netflix. We've also revisited Dead to Me on there. We're getting ready to go back to Six Feet Under — one of the best shows ever made.
Best home comfort meal?
Melissa Clark's NY Times recipe for Pasta with Tuna, Capers and Scallions.
Book currently on your bedside table?
I'm currently reading two books: a galley of Leslie Jamison's Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story, and Susan Ito's memoir, I Would Meet You Anywhere.
Background noise in your house?
My husband working on his five-song EP with some local musician friends.
Bath or shower?
Both — mostly showers, because they’re efficient. But whenever I have the time for a bath, and a good tub to use, I'm in. I put epsom salts and essential oils in there — eucalyptus, citrus, lavender. However I'm bathing, I use Dr. Bronner's liquid soap and Aveda rosemary/mint shampoo and conditioner.
Favourite house scent?
I'm allergic to lots of fragrances, so we don't use them. But we diffuse lavender essential oil as we sleep.
How well do you know your next door neighbours?
We're friendly with our neighbors, some more than others. The woman who lives in the house to my right texts me inspirational memes every morning, and has occasionally made delicious Indian food for us when we were sick. It's nice.
Your favourite home from home?
New York City! It's where I lived for 15 years. I can't get back often enough. Whenever I can, I get a cheap hotel room on Hotel Tonight and spend a day or two there.
Read Sari’s newsletter here.
CLOTHES STUFF
Phase Eight boots
I don’t know quite how or why but I completely wreck my winter boots every year and have to buy a new pair annually. This time, I opted for these ones from Phase Eight which are just perfect and even feel like they might last into winter 2024. Plus, they’re newly on sale (£99 down from £149).
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Uniqlo/Anya Hindmarch socks
You’ve got the boots, now get the perfect under-boot socks. I love these ones from the Anya Hindmarch x Uniqlo collab. Because why wouldn’t you want googly eyes on your ankles?
PODCAST STUFF
The Rest is Entertainment
I was getting a bit of podcast fatigue, so I was pleased when I found this one, hosted by Richard Osman and Marina Hyde talking about all things TV, music and journalism. The one I listened to last week featured the Squid Game game show (finally, people who share my obsession!) Today’s is all about Taylor Swift being named Time magazine’s Person of the Year.
RECIPE STUFF
Burnt Aubergine Chilli
I’m loving a bit of cooking as the cold nights draw in – and this recipe that I found online when I had a couple of aubergines going spare turned out to be delicious (and four of my five a day - hurrah!) so it’s only fair to share.
THE POLL
Christmas jumpers
Since my cosy community of Nesting subscribers keeps growing (woop woop!), I’ve decided to start a weekly poll, mostly to help with my own decision-making, but also because I’m nosy and want to know more about you. Today: Christmas jumpers. Which one would you go for?
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Christmas tree toppers
Oh, and just in case you’re as disorganised as me and haven’t quite got around to putting anything on top of your tree, I came across this little guy and had to buy him. Love a sloth. Love a happy, festive sloth even more.
With that, I must head off on my merry way to buy the winning Christmas jumper. Enjoy your week and all those parties!
Dx
Who is Dominique Afacan?
A very good question. Dominique (that’s me) is a writer, solo mum and sausage dog slave based in London. The idea for the Nesting newsletter came about because after ten years of flitting around the world as a travel journalist, I wanted to share my new-found excitement about hanging out at home. I am also the author of Bolder – Life lessons from people older and wiser than you – a great Christmas present, if I don’t say so myself – and available to buy here.
P.S The illustration for Nesting was created by my exceptionally talented friend Julia Murray in New Zealand.